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If anyone knows how difficult it can be to overcome drug addiction and substance abuse, it’s Nicholas Mathews. Today, the co-founder and CEO of Stillwater Behavioral Health is a high-performing leader and role model — but it wasn’t always that way.
Mathews started using heroin as a teen and came to rely on a variety of other substances to get high over the majority of the following decade. During this time, he lost friends to overdose, but still remained an addict. Even being diagnosed with a serious illness wasn’t enough to get him to quit.
“In my experience, addicts have to want something different for themselves and be willing to do the work,” Mathews said. “Friends and family members can only do a limited amount to encourage a loved one to get help. The user needs to choose a new life for themselves.”
Finding the Motivation to Change
As for where and when Mathews finally wanted something different for himself, it occurred when his then-girlfriend lied to him. Paradoxically, it was when his significant other abused his trust and deceived him that he discovered the will to get clean.
“In retrospect, she actually helped me,” he reflected. “If she hadn’t lied to me, who knows how much longer I would have stayed in active addiction?”
According to Mathews, his then-girlfriend told him she was pregnant. The prospect of becoming a parent finally gave Mathews the motivation he needed. He realized he didn’t want to turn into a father like his own, thereby reproducing the dysfunctional dynamics of his childhood. However, to avoid this fate, he knew he needed to break free of his addiction.
The Strength and Courage to Choose Withdrawal
Withdrawing from opioids is notoriously difficult and, for some, the process can even be life-threatening. Licensed treatment facilities offer medical monitoring and emergency services to usher patients safely through the dangers. Still, withdrawal is never easy.
Mathews remembers the pain of his own process, saying, “I’ll never forget it. First, the cravings hit. When I couldn’t satiate them with another dose, anxiety took over. Time seemed to lose meaning, and all I could think about was how to get my next hit. But this time, I knew one wasn’t coming.”
In addition to physical symptoms such as shaking, sweating, flu-like symptoms, and vomiting, withdrawal requires patients to undergo a major psychological and emotional transformation.
“It’s very scary,” Mathews recalled. “You’re literally stepping into the unknown. Up until this time, the drugs have helped you distract yourself. They’re a means of avoiding the things you don’t want to think about or feel. Once you realize the drugs are being taken away, it forces you to walk through those same dark places.”
According to Mathews, people can become dependent on opioids, alcohol, or other substances as a maladaptive means of coping. In our society, men appear to be particularly vulnerable to this phenomenon. According to a Center for Substance Abuse Treatment study, “Men who cannot talk about their feelings or manage them constructively sometimes use substances to deal with difficult emotions. Shame, especially, can limit help-seeking behaviors for substance use and mental disorders.”
“The reason why people take these substances in the first place is to try to make their lives bearable,” Mathews explained. “They’re trying to flee from deep pain. Now that the addiction has made life even more unbearable, however, they have to turn around and deal with things that already felt or seemed unbearable.”
In this way, getting clean requires an almost superhuman strength and courage. The patient must risk their life — both physically and emotionally — to save it.
Getting Clean
Mathews will celebrate nine years of sobriety in December 2022. Upon getting clean, his entire life changed.
At first, he served as a consultant for multiple treatment facilities. In this capacity, he soon realized that the standard care given to patients was inadequate. These programs tended to focus on treating the symptoms of addiction, rather than the underlying problems that cause it in the first place. Neglecting to discover the reason the addict was using, these approaches also failed to solve those deeper issues. As a result, the programs had high levels of recidivism.
“To help someone, you need to really understand them,” Mathews said. “You can’t just treat the substance abuse. You need to dig and get to the source of the problem, the thing that made them start using in the first place. Only once that has been identified and addressed — only when the person understands how to cope with those wounds — can they build a solid foundation for the future.”
Mathews’ experience being gripped by and overcoming addiction inspired him to envision a new kind of treatment program. That’s why he assembled a team at Stillwater Behavioral Health that provides next-level personalized, compassionate care. His novel approach also emphasizes authenticity, nurtures connection, and builds community.
A Whole New Life, A Whole New Man
In the process of building Stillwater Behavioral Health, Mathews dedicated his life to helping others. Although, perhaps the most inspiring part of his story is the living example he has become.
“If you had told me about my present life when I was using, I wouldn’t have believed you,” he said. “It would have seemed like a dream, a miracle. But that’s what sobriety has given me — a better life than I had thought was possible. I’ve become the man I always wanted to be.”
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Photo provided by the author.
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